Yearning Hearts Ch. 04

Amateur

“Oh my fucking God! All this time I thought you were fucking that little assistant of yours but… holy fuck.” She murmured then started laughing uncontrollably. “The joke’s on me huh?” She observed Thomas’ dumbfounded expression and completely lost it again in a fit of laughter.

“Oh, you thought I didn’t know you were screwing around didn’t you?” She first took in Thomas’ ashamed expression then Jonathan’s unbothered frame. ‘How the hell did she miss it before? Those two were always stuck together like glue. After what Jonathan asked her to do she wasn’t surprised but how the hell did she not know that her husband wanted men?’

“Mary I’m so so sorry,” Thomas whispered regretfully.

“You’re sorry? For what exactly Tommy? For cheating on me or forgetting to tell me you like men too, which is it?”

Tell me Tommy, is that why you married me? So I could be your beard?” she asked scornfully as she moved closer to her now ex husband who wouldn’t look at her.

“Answer me you fucking coward,” she retorted striking Thomas across the face but soon felt huge hands lift her up and sat her on the couch.

“Don’t do that.” Jonathan warned grimly then went back to Thomas. “Baby, are you ok?” Jonathan asked worriedly as he soothes Thomas’ stricken cheek.

“Wow your very own knight in shining armor Tommy, congrats,” she gushed sarcastically as she applauded Jonathan’s heroics.

“Oh grow up Marian. Just don’t put your hands on him again.”

As much as Thomas appreciated Jonathan being so protective of him it was his fight not Jonathan’s. He removed Jonathan’s hand from his cheek and kissed it then told him; “It’s alright, just please let me handle this ok,” he whispered for Jonathan’s ears only.

At Jonathan’s nod he moved forward to where Marian sat but kept enough distance between them just in case she got tempted to hit him again.

“You’re right, I am a coward.” Thomas whispered brokenly as tears started stinging his eyes. “Mary if I could do this all over again I would. I hurt you and I’m sorry, I wish…”

“Save your sorrys for someone who gives a shit! I loved you and supported you for almost three years Tommy. Three years and you didn’t trust me enough to think I’d understand if you said you wanted something else.

Three years down the drain all because you weren’t man enough to admit that you like men. You destroyed everything!” Marian scolded hatefully shaking her head disappointedly at Thomas as tears started rolling down her cheeks.

Thomas in an equally tearful state charged to his knees in front of her all in attempt to finally give her the answers she deserved. “You’re right I wasn’t man enough to say what I truly felt, I had a million chances to tell you but I didn’t because I was scared, but you’re wrong, I’ve never looked at another man before him, I only see him and I know that doesn’t make it better but it’s the truth and I can’t hide or deny it anymore.”

He went on to tell her when exactly everything started to how he avoided Jonathan that whole week because he didn’t want it to happen again. As much as it pained him to reveal such intimate details about him and Jonathan he knew it had to be said.

He told her that as much as it killed him to betray her, not being with Jonathan was immensely torturous so he went back to Jonathan and there began the ultimate betrayal.

“I’m in love with my best friend. I love him to the very last breath in me and I can’t keep this hidden anymore. I’m not ashamed of him. I’m proud to call him mine.” Thomas cried happily as he turned his head to look at the man he loved.

Marian listened as Thomas professed his love for Thomas and wondered how he’d feel if he knew a piece of information that only her and Jonathan were privy to. Would he still give himself wholeheartedly to Jonathan I he knew he was betrayed too?

She could clearly see how much Thomas cared for and loved Jonathan. The angel on her shoulder was shoving her towards the door to leave the two to be happy but that evil little devil seemed to have to upper hand right then. She needed to cause some damage too.

She peeled her eyes from Thomas then over at Jonathan. He was watching Thomas the whole time as he kept a respectful distance but the second he made contact with her, she knew he knew was going to happen.

Thomas wasn’t expecting a response from her but he also wasn’t expecting Marian’s eyes to be glued to Jonathan like that. Yes she must’ve been angry at Jonathan even if they weren’t the best of friends to begin with but there was something else there, Thomas thought looking at Marian then at Jonathan who was now sporting pure guilt and fear across his face.

He decided to ignore it and ask Jonathan later but then Marian stood up and started towards Jonathan. He was almost sure that Marian was going to strike Jonathan too but she just stood there looking at him.

“To tell or not to tell ETHAN?” She told Jonathan smirking evilly.

“Marian please escort bursa this is not the time,” Jonathan whispered pleadingly trying like hell to keep his voice low.

“Really? I believe now is the perfect time to revisit old feelings, don’t you think?” Marian asked smiling humorlessly.

“Please don’t do this, I have to be the one to tell him,” Jonathan warned staring down determinedly at Marian.

“Tell me what?” a confused Thomas asked trying to figure out what the two were so hush hush about.

“All this time and you still haven’t told him. What are you afraid of Jonathan? I must admit though, it’s quite refreshing seeing fear in year eyes. He’s your weakness.” Marian continued not tearing her eyes from Jonathan who looked scared out of his mind.

“Will someone please tell me what the fuck is going on?” Thomas demanded getting insanely worried and furious at the same time. He wasn’t sure what was going on but he knew that whatever it was, it must be bad for Jonathan to be reacting that way.

“Tsk tsk tsk ,” she gestured as she shook her head and looked at Thomas. “All this time you’ve been shacking up with your best friend; the man you love so effing much and you never wondered why he’s so attached to her.” The look Thomas gave her was priceless. Deer in headlights stunned.

“I’m sorry Jonathan but I need to confess too. May I do the honors?” Marian asked mockingly with a smug satisfying grin on her face.

“Well darling husband I sadly have to inform you that YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER?” Marian confessed to Thomas coldly and unremorsefully loving the feeling she got from hurting her ex husband and his lover.

He weakly got up from where he sat on the ground and moved closer to Jonathan and Marian. He was waiting for either of them to say it was a joke. No he was waiting for Jonathan’s features to turn into rage at that ridiculous lie. Yes a lie because then he could really focus on what had Jonathan so scared.

“Tell him Jonathan. Tell him how you and I made Belle. She murmured calmly as she looked from Jonathan to Thomas then back again. “It was explosive Tommy; whew you should’ve seen us. I’d have been surprised if that didn’t happen. Your man went hard?” she breathed distantly as she bit on the edge of her bottom lip.

Thomas willed his hands to stop trembling then finally locked eyes with Jonathan. “No, no no no no no no. Please tell her she’s lying. Tell her she’s lying Ethan. Baby please tell her she’s…” his voice shook as he spoke, he didn’t have the strength to continue.

He could feel the wetness on his face and the huge lump in his throat threatening to scream as he place his trembling hands on the sides of his head. He felt weak, numb and lifeless. He felt like dying. He looked at Jonathan hopefully one last time for him to say that it was all a prank.

They both had a way of communicating without speaking and it was all there in Jonathan’s eyes loud and clear. Marian was telling the truth. Suddenly he could feel his legs starting to give way and just as he felt like he was going to hit the floor Jonathan caught him forcing him to stand.

“Don’t you dare faint on me again, hey hey hey . Come on open your eyes baby,” Jonathan begged desperately not leaving the panic out of his tone.

As if he got shocked with a hundred volts of electricity he scurried from Jonathan’s arms and leaned back against the couch hugging his knees light a scared child.

“D-d-don’t touch me. Tell her she’s lying first.” Thomas whispered sadly and desperately as his lips quivered.

Jonathan raked his hand through his low cropped hair and tugged at it painfully. He swallowed around the lump in his throat then answered. “I-I can’t. I can’t do that,” he told Thomas hoarsely and miserably as tears streamed down his cheeks.

Marian stood to the side watching the scene unfolding before her eyes. Yes she wanted to hurt Thomas for stepping out but her broke for him as she looked at Thomas’ neurotic distraught state. She was seriously concerned for him.

“T please don’t do this, let me explain. Don’t push me away baby, not now,” Jonathan pleaded desperately as he reached out to Thomas once more but Thomas wasn’t having it.

“Get the fuck away from me! You liar! How could you!” He screamed and sobbed heartbrokenly.

If someone stabbed Jonathan right then he wouldn’t even react because the pain he felt as he watched his world fall apart couldn’t even compare. He swore and cried as Thomas wailed in dreaded anguish. It would’ve been easier if Thomas sent him to the deepest depths of hell and walk out on him but seeing him in so much pain and not being able to do anything about it, way surpassed punishment. This was hell.

He couldn’t take it anymore. He needed to do something… anything. He needed to hold him. He carefully moved to where a weeping Thomas sat and pulled him in his arms tightly. He could feel Thomas pulling away but he held on as tight as he could.

“You have bursa merkez escort to believe me baby; I didn’t mean to hurt you. It happened before I knew you two were dating sweetheart. I didn’t want to take that little girl from you. Please believe me. I love you.” He buried his face in Thomas’ hair as he told him agonizingly.

He was trying like hell to be strong but he couldn’t, he just couldn’t. He fell apart right there with Thomas. In that breath Thomas must’ve gained the strength he needed because before Jonathan knew it he was being shoved hard and fell back on the floor.

From where he lay he could see Thomas run from him to the farthest end of the room. When Jonathan got up it was to find Thomas with a glass object in his hand. He knew Thomas was ready to hit him with it if he ever came close but he didn’t care. He was ready for whatever.

“Don’t come any closer. You don’t get to touch me anymore.” Thomas told him coldly as he clutched the rounded glass object in his hand.

“Baby please don’t do this. I fucked up…”

“You told me you loved me! I trusted you! How could you?” He yelled as he sniffled and wiped at his eyes.

Jonathan risked his own safety and paced closer to Thomas as he told him; “You wanna throw that thing at me? You wanna hurt me? Go ahead I deserve it. I told her not to tell you because I didn’t want to take away that joy that she gives you. She’s yours Thomas. She’s always been yours.”

He reached out to touch Thomas but Thomas moved farther away giving him the most scornful look which cut him through his very core.

“Mine? Are you fucking insane. You screwed her and got her pregnant.” Thomas laughed humorlessly then continued. “We’re done. I’m done. I’ll never forgive you for this.’ He told Jonathan as he dropped the ball and headed for the door.

Thomas stopped for a brief moment, looked over at Marian’s pitiful expression and smiled. “You won. You got our revenge.” He could see her attempting to say something but he was over them both.

He didn’t feel like acknowledging the likes of Jonathan anymore but he needed to say it. “If you come near me again I’ll have you arrested. That’s a promise.” And with that he opened the door and left without bothering to close it back.

******

Jonathan watched as his life disappeared before his eyes. Thomas walking out that door meant he was walking out of his life and suddenly he didn’t feel panic or sadness anymore just despair and emptiness. He was furious at Marian for divulging that piece of information he pleaded with her to keep secret. He knew the damage it would cause and everything he feared happening actually happened.

He wanted to run after Thomas but he knew that would only make things worse, Thomas needed time to cool off.

“Tell me, what were you hoping to gain exactly? Are you out of your mind? We had an agreement Mary,” Jonathan barked turning towards a remorseful Marian. “You knew what that would do to him, you know how much he loves that little girl; why would you destroy him…” he started but Marian attacked ferociously.

“Sue me for wanting my cheating husband to feel what I’ve been feeling for the past couple of months. I wanted to hurt him but I wasn’t expecting that ok.” She defended.

“The fuck… You weren’t expecting that? What were you expecting then? What, you thought he was gonna jump for joy when he found out his kid isn’t actually his?” Jonathan asked jeeringly.

“No no no. What you don’t get to do is lash out at me. How does it feel not being in control Jonathan? If you want someone to blame then look in the mirror mister. Only you can hurt him, you’re the one he loves. He won’t remember any of what I did today, only what you did; you’re the man he loves more than anything. So no I didn’t destroy him today, you did.”

All the fight that he built up for Marian just dissipated completely upon hearing those words. She was right. Al the hurt, anguish and betrayal that Thomas was feeling was all cause of him. He had to accept that.

“I’m not a bad person Jonathan; just a woman lied to and cheated on. I never thought my husband’s bi sexual best friend would destroy my marriage but you did and it hurt a lot. I didn’t marry him because I wanted a baby daddy; I already knew who that was. I married him because I loved him and now… she shook her head as if confused then walked back to the couch, picked up her purse and walked out closing the door behind her.

“No this is not happening. Jesus what have I done,” Jonathan breathed raggedly as he held his head. “Fuck!!” he screamed and planted his fist in the wall. His knuckles burned like hell but that didn’t even compare to what his heart was feeling.

He couldn’t even cry, his whole being felt numb and lifeless. How was he gonna fix it?

***********

Four hours later and Thomas was at his friend’s art studio in Soho. She was the only person besides Jonathan that he kept in touch bursa yabancı escort with from college and she was also an incredible friend. He drove there after a lengthy walk along the Boardwalk just trying to fathom how everything just collided in an instance.

He made to drive back home but didn’t feel like being reminded of what happened. Lying on the couch in her office, he turned on his phone only to find fifty one missed calls and ten text messages, they were all from Jonathan. After the fifth call which were all unanswered he turned off his phone.

The second the phone got switched back on it started buzzing again which startled him but made him livid more than anything else so he threw it at the wall with great force causing it to break apart.

Suddenly a petite 5’blonde with a pixie hair cut burst through the door. “Tommy what happened,” asked an alarmed Charley looking at the floor and Thomas simultaneously then closing the door behind her.

“He won’t stop calling so I smashed it,” he answered flatly staring at the wall where he threw the phone. Thomas had confessed to Charley a week earlier that he was in love with Jonathan so she already knew who ‘he’ was.

“What did Jonath…” she began but soon got cut off mid statement.

“Please don’t say that name again,” he murmured through clenched jaws but all that managed to do was bring on back the tears. “I hate him, I hate him,” he chanted then started sobbing uncontrollably.

Charley soon charged to his side cradling his head in her small hands then rested it on her shoulders while soothingly rubbing his back. “Shhh,” she cooed wishing she could take the pain away. Moments later he eventually calmed down but she still held on to him.

“He’s Belle’s dad, he croaked trying his best not to fall apart again. He felt the smaller presence before him stiffen so he lifted his head and looked at her to show her that he was in fact telling the truth.

“Are you sure?” Charley asked sympathetically mostly because long time ago she was a parent too until she lost her baby two weeks after birth and losing a child meant you would never be the same again. Their situations were completely different but it was still lost.

“They both knew all along and neither even bothered to tell me. Marian told me this morning when him and I were… he started but stopped and walked to the back of the couch to the window then looked down at the street. He chuckled humorlessly then continued.

“Last night he came over and for a moment everything was perfect, I was ready to begin a whole new life with him then Marian came and everything wasn’t so perfect anymore.” Charley was speechless at this moment, Thomas was clearly broken, what could she do or say to make things better, probably nothing but by God she was going to be there for him.

She didn’t like that Thomas was seeing Jonathan behind Marian’s back but she’s been around long enough to know that nothing is ever that simple where the heart is concerned especially when she knew he wasn’t a vindictive person.

“I have nothing left, my marriage is over, my daughter isn’t my daughter anymore, he’s gone…” he added pressing his palm flat against the window.

“That’s not true, it may not seem like much right now but you have me and I’ll be here for you for as long as you need me okay. You’re strong Tommy; don’t let them take that from you.” She added standing behind him rubbing his back.

************

Jonathan sat on the loveseat in his bedroom in his boxer briefs staring at his phone wondering if he should call for the hundredth time. Everything in him screamed to go search for Thomas but the last thing he wanted to do was push him away any further and he definitely couldn’t fix things from jail either.

It was 2 am in the morning and that’s where he ended up when his brain wouldn’t stop worrying about Thomas. ‘How could he be so selfish and stupid; if he had just told him the minute he found out none of this would’ve happened,’ he thought.

He knew one thing was for certain, he wouldn’t be able to wait one more day without knowing if Thomas was ok. But where to start; he definitely wasn’t at home because his PI said there was no sign of him there, nor was he at his office or Marian’s place. ‘Where else could he be?’ He wondered worriedly. He had told his PI to check every place he could think of and still no sign, unless…

*************

It was 9am Friday the next morning and Charley had insisted that Thomas spend at least a few days with her. He refused at first but then she started crying and pleaded with him. He knew she was just worried that he’d hurt himself and if he was being honest he definitely considered it. He agreed to spend only one week and that’s where he was the next morning helping Charley clean up after he made her breakfast.

Charley was single and lived alone so he thought why not; plus she seemed like she needed the company more than he did. “You should eat something Tommy.” She suggested worriedly but all she got from him was a shrug.

“You sure you don’t want to come with me to the studio?” she asked hopefully for the tenth time.

“Yeah I’m sure, I’ll be ok,” he assured her then forced a smile but he wasn’t fooling anyone.

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